Gratitude Archives - The Certior Group

Experiencing Awe Through Your Child’s Eyes

September 1, 2021 by Avi Kantor

“A child’s world is fresh and new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement. It is our misfortune that for most of us that clear-eyed vision, that true instinct for what is beautiful and awe-inspiring, is dimmed and even lost before we reach adulthood. If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over all children, I should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life.” – Rachel Carson (1907-1964), author, naturalist

There’s something to be said for experiencing life as an adventure where one approaches every moment and situation seeking to discover what is new and interesting. Some call it a beginner’s mind. Others call it a sense of awe. Either way, I see this way of being, this mindset, as a vital part of practicing Gratitude. My own son recently reminded me of the benefits of such a mindset. We were on a father-son hiking and camping trip in the Gros Ventre Wilderness in western Wyoming. After driving for two hours on a paved road and another hour and a half on a gravel and dirt road, we arrived at one of the most remote ranches in the 48 states. From there we hiked 6 miles in national forest land, along with a handful of other campers, to our campsite at the base of a pristine waterfall.

My 14-year-old experienced the views, the natural world, and the hours of hiking with seemingly endless wonder and joy. While adults might consider hiking 6 miles into a bare basics camp a chore or hard work, he found it fun. When we were caught in a sudden rainstorm an hour and a half from camp, he enjoyed sloshing through the mud and fighting the rain just to see the path ahead. For him, it was all one big adventure, one moment after another of awe and inspiration.

Our time in the wilderness contained most, if not all, of the elements of practicing Gratitude. Certainly, there was respect for nature first and foremost. There was appreciation for the other people on the trip, the opportunity to be in such a wonderful locale, the small conveniences we enjoyed (tents, cots, sleeping bags, hot food, etc.), and the great experiences we had over the three days in the wilderness. And there was generosity. Since we had very little, consideration and sharing became as much a privilege as it was a necessity.

“Awe binds us to social collectives and enables us to act in more collaborative ways that enable strong groups, thus improving our odds for survival” – Dacher Keltner, PhD I also experienced what Dacher Keltner mentions in the quote above; namely, a shared experience of awe binds people together. It’s something we all might consider cultivating, especially during these times of disruption and especially with those closest to us.

Focusing on Post-Traumatic Growth

April 22, 2021 by Avi Kantor

Our colleague, Ron Nakamoto, recently spent 6 weeks on the beach in Mexico, and as he put it, “recovering from pandemic-driven ‘VUCA’ – volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity” (his words). Since his return, he has remarked that the experience gives him a sense of how we might better shape our post-pandemic futures.

Having had time to rest, recover, and rejuvenate from his pandemic experience, Ron now believes that we are experiencing (or will experience) broad-based, societal post-traumatic stress. He’s not alone in thinking this.[1] New York Times writer Sarah Lyall suggests that grief, depression, and malaise have become commonplace.

“…Margaret Wehrenberg, an expert on anxiety and the author of the book “Pandemic Anxiety: Fear, Stress, and Loss in Traumatic Times ” (said), “A year of uncertainty, of being whipsawed between anxiety and depression, of seeing expert predictions wither away and goal posts shift, has left many people feeling that they are existing in a kind of fog, the world shaded in gray. When people are under a long period of chronic, unpredictable stress, they develop behavioral anhedonia (meaning the loss of the ability to take pleasure in their activities). And so they get lethargic, and they show a lack of interest…”[2]

Not surprisingly, Ron’s focus has been on post-traumatic growth. Again, he’s not alone in his thinking. Several studies have indicated that the pandemic has the potential to trigger:

1. Positive growth in important personal relationships;

2. Greater appreciation for what’s good in one’s life;

3. Spiritual growth, appreciation for nature and the environment; and

4. A newfound ability to embrace new opportunities, possibilities, while accepting uncertainty.[3]

What Ron and all of us at The Certior Group believe we can contribute to this notion of post-traumatic growth are our fundamentals: practicing Gratitude, a True Wealth mindset, and a focus on building community. The brain’s hardwired negativity bias has been fully activated by the pandemic and other recent events. Our research-backed Gratitude practice has demonstrated empirically over time to be an effective antidote to the negative emotions that the events of 2020-2021 have precipitated. Having and maintaining the energy and discipline to remain focused on what truly matters most (i.e., having a True Wealth mindset), while others are faltering is vital…but it can be very challenging. That’s why having the support of a handful or a community of like-minded people can be invaluable.

By remaining true to our fundamentals, we at The Certior Group intend to support all of you in recovering from 2020-2021 and creating a better post-pandemic life.

[1] Post-COVID Stress Disorder: Another Emerging Consequence of the Global Pandemic, Phebe Tucker, MD, Christopher S. Czapla, MD, Psychiatric Times, Vol 38, Issue 1, Volume 38, Issue 01, January 8, 2021

[2] We Have All Hit the Wall, Sarah Lyall, The New York Times, April 3, 2021.

[3] Study Identifies “post-traumatic growth” emerging from Covid-19 lockdowns, Science Daily, February 8, 2021.

The Under-Appreciated Art of Wise Decision Making

November 23, 2020 by Avi Kantor

It was the kind of problem I had solved routinely in the past.

A couple came into my office seeking advice on whether to sell or keep their lake house (I’ve altered a few of the facts in order to honor the privacy of the family involved). This is the sort of logical, mathematical problem that financial advisors are trained to analyze. Once I understood the reason for the couple’s visit, my mind immediately went into solution-mode. What’s the assumed rate of return? What’s inflation going to be? What are the tax consequences? What’s the discounted present value of future returns from alternative investments? And so on, and so on…

But there was something about this situation that was different from the past. Looking back, I believe that difference was a shift in my perspective brought on by the work and mindset we’ve been cultivating at the Certior Group.

As I began the meeting, instead of telling the couple what my analysis was, I asked them to tell me about the house. At first they just described it: how big it is, how old it is, its features. It was the sort of description you might find on Zillow.com or some other real estate website. Then I asked them what the house meant to them. That did it. They started talking about the memories they had of family gatherings; of sharing the house with friends; and letting others use the house when they weren’t there. They talked about the joyous occasions they had had. On and on they went…and at the end, they looked at each other and said almost simultaneously, “We can’t sell the house. It means too much to us, to everyone.”

Researchers who study intelligence call this kind of thinking crystallized intelligence; the ability to size up what’s relevant in the present, scan the past for clues and possible parallels, and imagine future scenarios playing out. This skill contrasts with what the same researchers call fluid intelligence – what we commonly view as the traits of “smart” people – the ability to think quickly, logically, and remember large amounts of information and data. Crystallized intelligence is the mark of wisdom. It was wisdom, not logic, that swayed this couple’s decision. And it’s wisdom that we can continue to cultivate – especially during these times.

Given the ongoing pandemic, the aftermath of our recent elections continuing to dominate the media and social media and the volatile economy – we will be called upon to make important decisions under ambiguous, uncertain conditions. And with the upcoming holidays, these are stressful times for us all. Stress, anxiety, and perhaps fear or anger, are understandable reactions to the current circumstances. But these reactions make decision making that much more difficult. In my experience and as I’ve written before in this blog, we have the opportunity to face these circumstances by beginning in Gratitude. Gratitude for the everyday goodness that’s still in our lives. Gratitude, and cultivating Wisdom can serve us well in the days ahead.

Happy Thanksgiving!

How COVID-19 Illuminates Opportunities to Create a Better ‘New Normal’

April 17, 2020 by Avi Kantor

The COVID-19 virus has changed our world. It’s brought out the best and worst in people and exposed many of our shortcomings as a culture and a global society. We were clearly unprepared. Hospital emergency rooms and healthcare workers are overwhelmed. Apparently, we have not created a healthcare system that can consistently respond well to such a crisis. Schools, businesses, state and local governments have had to shut down and go virtual. There’s been a global economic and financial contraction reminiscent of the Great Depression. Many people are unable to work, and earn a living. Some are concerned about the long term viability of their businesses or their employer’s business; they’re justifiably concerned about their futures. Yet, in cities around the world, healthcare workers, police, firemen, grocery store employees, and anyone else who must serve the public despite the virus are being applauded and recognized for their service. Governments and charitable organizations are rallying, attempting to help those most in need.

Individually, we’ve all had to deal with social distancing, isolation, and the psychological effects of fear and uncertainty. Some of us have had to deal with actual COVID-19 infections, the resulting sickness, and even ultimate death among our family, friends, and colleagues. Reported domestic violence, suicide hotline activity, and alcohol consumption are all on the rise. And yet, there’s good news too. In practicing social distancing, people are demonstrating not only enlightened self-interest for their own health but also for the health of others. Families are spending time, sharing meals, doing homework, engaging in games and other activities together; doing things that previously they were too busy, over-scheduled, and over-committed to plan or engage in.

“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: some things are within our control and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can’t control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.” – Epictetus, Greek Stoic Philosopher, 55-135 AD

Does anyone doubt that there will be a “new normal” when things settle down and we’re able, with some conditions, to leave our homes and go back to work? Most of us are not in a position to directly influence whether or not the country is better prepared for future pandemics, the economy can be restructured to grow again and eventually recover from this deep economic and financial crisis, or repair the many damages to the political and social fabric of our society. As the quote from Epictetus implies, we should focus on what we can control.

If history is any indication, we can’t count on the general population to make dramatic positive personal changes in the aftermath of the coronavirus. Instead, people will yearn for the way things were, the lifestyles they once had, and the comfortable, yet false, sense of security they once enjoyed. Many will revert back to habitual behavior, indulging in news, social media, idle conversation, and/or rumination about matters that they have no control over.

When people talk about the silver lining that has come out of this crisis, I hear a lot about how people are kinder, more considerate, more generous, and caring. People seem to suddenly feel genuinely grateful for good health, food, safe homes, family, friends, small comforts, and a civil society. Might we apply what we know about habits, routines, and human behavior to make gratitude an enduring and prominent part of the new normal?

“When we are challenged we do not rise to our expectations, we fall to our level of practice” – Archilochus, Greek Poet, 680-645 BC

In many ways, the coronavirus has been the ultimate stress test of our values and our intentions. Might we also remember what we’ve become acutely aware of during this unprecedented time? This crisis has revealed to many of us that our pre-coronavirus “goals” in life may not have reflected what matters most. If we are to survive and live happy, fulfilling, meaningful, and joyful lives, isn’t it imperative that we get our priorities straight and that we live with high intention?

“What many of us are discovering right now is that things we valued a few months ago don’t actually matter: our cars, the titles on our business cards, our privileged neighborhoods. Rather what’s coming to the forefront is a shift to figuring out what we find intrinsically rewarding…when a crisis hits, everything is put to the real test…The challenge then becomes wrapping our struggles into our values, because what we value only has meaning if it’s important when life is hard. To know if they have worth, your values need to help you move forward when you can barely crawl and the obstacles in your way seem insurmountable.” – Shane Parrish, Farnam Street blog

We named our process the Universal Framework because we’ve found, regardless of specific methods and circumstances, that all effective strategies and plans follow a similar pattern of discovering and illuminating what matters most, thinking about and designing actions to improve situations and circumstances, implementing and executing on plans and strategies, and, importantly, overseeing results, monitoring and adapting to new situations and circumstances (what we call stewardship). In our experience, where people often fall short despite their best intentions is being accountable for execution, ongoing monitoring, and adaptation. Thus, throughout this ongoing process, in addition to our roles as advisors, planners, and collaborators, we see ourselves as accountability partners with our clients and co-collaborators. We think it’s a win-win.

In the “new normal”, rigid, long-term planning and plans will be impractical and likely sub-optimal; too much will remain unknown and unknowable. It behooves us all to be flexible, agile, and adaptable in our thinking and actions. Despite the volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity ahead, we have the opportunity to not only shift the way we think about wealth and our priorities but also to rebuild and reorganize our lives around our values; to walk our talk about money, wealth, and what truly matters to us individually, as families, and collectively as a civilized society. And make no mistake about this; what we decide and do will matter. We’re in this together.

Crisis Creates an Opportunity to Focus on What Matters Most

March 20, 2020 by Avi Kantor

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” -Viktor Frankl, Holocaust Survivor

A global pandemic. Panic buying of supplies. Stocks declining steeply. Schools and businesses closing. Cities under lockdown.

All of our lives have been disrupted.

Under these conditions, psychologists and neuroscientists understand and expect that many people will experience fear, anxiety, and an inability to focus and think clearly. They call this the “amygdala hijack”, singling out the emotional part of the brain – the amygdala – that triggers our primitive “fight or flight” response to perceived danger. With the whole world triggered by unprecedented events – events that could potentially spiral even further into uncharted territory – how might we keep from being amygdala hijacked? How might we remain calm, centered, and focused?

Of course, there are intoxicants of all forms and escapism that can temporarily distract our minds from current events. But keep us calm, centered, and focused? Probably not. Many have turned to mindfulness meditation, yoga, exercise, and other forms of relaxation. I’m an advocate of many of these disciplines. Our work, though, suggests that there’s another option.

"I am grateful for" written in a notebook with a pen.

Over the years, we’ve been very intentional about practicing Gratitude. Our experience has been that Gratitude has helped us, our family members, our colleagues, and clients appreciate the many blessings we all have and find the good in even the most challenging situations. This practice has never been more relevant and necessary for our collective wellbeing.

Through the lens of Gratitude, we have an opportunity to refocus our minds on what’s essential for our wellbeing; that which brings us happiness, fulfillment, meaning, and joy. We call this True Wealth. But regardless of what one calls it, there are enduring parts of our lives that persist despite the coronavirus, the stock market, and the disruption that’s affected us all. For most of us, this includes our family, our continued good health (if we’re currently blessed with good health), our Faith, the many diverse experiences we’ve had and continue to have, and the joy of contributing to the wellbeing of others.

Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl said, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Now is our time to choose…to choose Gratitude and True Wealth…and to help others do the same.

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