Avi Kantor, Author at The Certior Group

Experiencing Awe Through Your Child’s Eyes

September 1, 2021 by Avi Kantor

“A child’s world is fresh and new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement. It is our misfortune that for most of us that clear-eyed vision, that true instinct for what is beautiful and awe-inspiring, is dimmed and even lost before we reach adulthood. If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over all children, I should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life.” – Rachel Carson (1907-1964), author, naturalist

There’s something to be said for experiencing life as an adventure where one approaches every moment and situation seeking to discover what is new and interesting. Some call it a beginner’s mind. Others call it a sense of awe. Either way, I see this way of being, this mindset, as a vital part of practicing Gratitude. My own son recently reminded me of the benefits of such a mindset. We were on a father-son hiking and camping trip in the Gros Ventre Wilderness in western Wyoming. After driving for two hours on a paved road and another hour and a half on a gravel and dirt road, we arrived at one of the most remote ranches in the 48 states. From there we hiked 6 miles in national forest land, along with a handful of other campers, to our campsite at the base of a pristine waterfall.

My 14-year-old experienced the views, the natural world, and the hours of hiking with seemingly endless wonder and joy. While adults might consider hiking 6 miles into a bare basics camp a chore or hard work, he found it fun. When we were caught in a sudden rainstorm an hour and a half from camp, he enjoyed sloshing through the mud and fighting the rain just to see the path ahead. For him, it was all one big adventure, one moment after another of awe and inspiration.

Our time in the wilderness contained most, if not all, of the elements of practicing Gratitude. Certainly, there was respect for nature first and foremost. There was appreciation for the other people on the trip, the opportunity to be in such a wonderful locale, the small conveniences we enjoyed (tents, cots, sleeping bags, hot food, etc.), and the great experiences we had over the three days in the wilderness. And there was generosity. Since we had very little, consideration and sharing became as much a privilege as it was a necessity.

“Awe binds us to social collectives and enables us to act in more collaborative ways that enable strong groups, thus improving our odds for survival” – Dacher Keltner, PhD I also experienced what Dacher Keltner mentions in the quote above; namely, a shared experience of awe binds people together. It’s something we all might consider cultivating, especially during these times of disruption and especially with those closest to us.

Illuminating What Really Matters

June 30, 2021 by Avi Kantor

Now that the worst immediate consequences of the global pandemic appear to be abating (at least in the U.S.), I’ve been reflecting on what we might take away from the experiences of the last 16 months.

A crisis has a way of illuminating what really matters to us. Clearly, having good health has never been more obvious and important to living a good life. Having contracted COVID-19 myself, I can imagine how devastating the virus can be to those who are immune compromised or weaker because of age or physical condition. Thus, I can understand how fearful, anxious, and insecure the virus has made many people.

Yet, I also value my ability to interact with others without the restrictions we’ve been under for much of the last year. We all sacrificed a part of ourselves that thrives on human connection. Thus, many of us were less able to live life fully. Perhaps, as a result of the constraints we’ve had to live through, we’ll become better at recognizing the fears, anxieties, insecurities, and self-sabotaging patterns that prevent us from living life fully. Maybe we’ll question why we allow these emotions to have such power over us. Perhaps some of us will even vow to overcome them. Perhaps some of us will simply decide to let these negative emotions go and replace them with better, more positive thoughts and patterns of behavior.

Our experiences sheltering in place, social distancing, and mask wearing might motivate us to become more curious about the world around us and the people we come in contact with. We might now have a higher value for our everyday freedoms. I know for myself, I’ve enjoyed getting out and traveling again with family and friends, dining in restaurants, and being able to interact with others without wearing a mask and without many concerns about Covid infections. Like many, I’d like to forget about what we’ve been through and leave it all behind me forever. Yet, it also seems unwise to quickly forget what the pandemic revealed about what matters most to us as human beings.

Here are a few insights that I’ve gleaned from my pandemic experience:

1. Human beings are social creatures who thrive on connection and suffer in isolation. Perhaps we’ve experienced certain advantages of a lifestyle based solely upon telecommunications, interacting with others only via electronic devices. Yes, now more than ever, location matters less when it comes to some business and personal matters and transactions. But without real, authentic human connection, we suffer in the long run.

2. Disruptions create unavoidable transitions in one’s life. Navigating these transitions well is what optimizing True Wealth is all about. One of the key factors in navigating transitions is to see crises, adversity, setbacks, etc. as opportunities. Because so much in our lives has been disrupted, we have choices to make that we might not have had otherwise. For example, we might ask ourselves:

What reliable old patterns of behavior and beliefs will we maintain?
What old habits, patterns, beliefs, will we discard?
What new ideas will we explore and experiment with?

Perhaps we’ve learned that we must adopt a growth mindset; that we can’t go back to the way things used to be or the way things have always been.

3. The military has an axiom that In a crisis, we revert back to the level of our training. That’s why the military places such an emphasis on training and preparation. By analogy and from my own experience, I see practicing Gratitude as a way to sustain the insights gained from the pandemic. If we’re grateful for our health, for the people who matter most to us, for the experiences we’ve had and can have, for our ability to contribute to the wellbeing of others, and for our faith, we can continue to be connected with the experiences and emotions that support our priorities.

“Gratitude is the way the heart remembers––remembers kindnesses, cherished interactions with others, compassionate actions of strangers, surprise gifts, and everyday blessings. By remembering, we honor and acknowledge the many ways in which who and what we are has been shaped by others, both living and dead.” – Robert Emmons Have you had a chance to reflect upon what we might take away from the experiences of the last 16 months? Have you any insights that you’ve gleaned from your pandemic experience? We would love to hear. We would love to learn!

The Empowered Abilities of Nature

May 18, 2021 by Avi Kantor

With longer days and warmer weather signaling spring and summer to follow, it feels as if the worst of the pandemic might be over (at least for now). I’ve been reflecting on the past year and our collective pandemic experience. I’ve also been looking ahead, trying my best to imagine what the future might be like.

“In each of our lives at various points along the way, we find ourselves in the Fog of Not Knowing—a period of transition, when the path, the plan, or the project is not yet clear. This period in between—whether for minutes or for months—is to be respected and honored; it is fertile and full of promise. If you can meet this void without grasping for the most convenient way out, what you discover will be beyond your expectations and imagination.” – Victoria Labalme

I have the sense that we all can use a little healing and some time to recover from the pandemic. Fear of unknown consequences of the virus, vaccines, etc.; anxiety and depression caused by isolation; concerns about the long-term effects of over-reliance on telecommunications, social media, and mass media in our daily lives…these are a few of the circumstances from which we might seek some healing and recovery. A couple of things come to my mind as ways we might do so.

First, it’s apparent to me that social isolation has been detrimental for us all. We need to be with other people; not just on Zoom calls but actually in person with other people without fear of being infected or infecting others. We suffer when we can’t interact freely with other people.

Second, being out in nature is a reliable way we can all begin to heal ourselves from the pandemic. I recently reflected on two events that we organized a few years ago that embodied these two points. The first was a hike on the Black Butte Trail in Grand Teton National Park.

One highlight of that experience was a 15 minute silent climb to the top of the trail, noticing the sights and sounds of the forest and quieting our own thoughts.

The second event was an overnight hiking-camping trip at the Darwin Ranch outside of Jackson, WY.

I remember sleeping under the stars without any ambient city lights, the constant sound of a magnificent waterfall in the background. It’s the sort of healing experience I’m imagining.

Finally, we all could focus on growing from our experiences; we could re-engage our curiosity, our sense of wonder and awe. Any hike in Grand Teton National Park is awe-inspiring because of the mountains and the scenery. In addition, our guide, naturalist Trevor Bloom, drew our attention to the wildflowers that he studies. To get a sense of the amazing details of the lives of these fragile plants was both interesting and again awe-inspiring. We are always grateful for the opportunity to spend quality time in nature with our clients and their families. Given the progression of combatting the pandemic, we intend to coordinate similar events in the upcoming months. Interested in an event for your family? Please contact us.

Focusing on Post-Traumatic Growth

April 22, 2021 by Avi Kantor

Our colleague, Ron Nakamoto, recently spent 6 weeks on the beach in Mexico, and as he put it, “recovering from pandemic-driven ‘VUCA’ – volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity” (his words). Since his return, he has remarked that the experience gives him a sense of how we might better shape our post-pandemic futures.

Having had time to rest, recover, and rejuvenate from his pandemic experience, Ron now believes that we are experiencing (or will experience) broad-based, societal post-traumatic stress. He’s not alone in thinking this.[1] New York Times writer Sarah Lyall suggests that grief, depression, and malaise have become commonplace.

“…Margaret Wehrenberg, an expert on anxiety and the author of the book “Pandemic Anxiety: Fear, Stress, and Loss in Traumatic Times ” (said), “A year of uncertainty, of being whipsawed between anxiety and depression, of seeing expert predictions wither away and goal posts shift, has left many people feeling that they are existing in a kind of fog, the world shaded in gray. When people are under a long period of chronic, unpredictable stress, they develop behavioral anhedonia (meaning the loss of the ability to take pleasure in their activities). And so they get lethargic, and they show a lack of interest…”[2]

Not surprisingly, Ron’s focus has been on post-traumatic growth. Again, he’s not alone in his thinking. Several studies have indicated that the pandemic has the potential to trigger:

1. Positive growth in important personal relationships;

2. Greater appreciation for what’s good in one’s life;

3. Spiritual growth, appreciation for nature and the environment; and

4. A newfound ability to embrace new opportunities, possibilities, while accepting uncertainty.[3]

What Ron and all of us at The Certior Group believe we can contribute to this notion of post-traumatic growth are our fundamentals: practicing Gratitude, a True Wealth mindset, and a focus on building community. The brain’s hardwired negativity bias has been fully activated by the pandemic and other recent events. Our research-backed Gratitude practice has demonstrated empirically over time to be an effective antidote to the negative emotions that the events of 2020-2021 have precipitated. Having and maintaining the energy and discipline to remain focused on what truly matters most (i.e., having a True Wealth mindset), while others are faltering is vital…but it can be very challenging. That’s why having the support of a handful or a community of like-minded people can be invaluable.

By remaining true to our fundamentals, we at The Certior Group intend to support all of you in recovering from 2020-2021 and creating a better post-pandemic life.

[1] Post-COVID Stress Disorder: Another Emerging Consequence of the Global Pandemic, Phebe Tucker, MD, Christopher S. Czapla, MD, Psychiatric Times, Vol 38, Issue 1, Volume 38, Issue 01, January 8, 2021

[2] We Have All Hit the Wall, Sarah Lyall, The New York Times, April 3, 2021.

[3] Study Identifies “post-traumatic growth” emerging from Covid-19 lockdowns, Science Daily, February 8, 2021.

Tackling New Year’s Resolutions with Atomic Habits

February 11, 2021 by Avi Kantor

So here we are, a month and a half into the new year. How are you doing on your New Year’s resolutions?

Research suggests that by the second week in February, on average 80% of New Year’s resolutions have already failed or been abandoned. ¹ This inability to adopt new habits or extinguish old ones that no longer serve us isn’t just limited to New Year’s resolutions. It’s a pattern that characterizes much of human experience over time. This begs the questions “Why does happen?” and “What can we do about it?”

Recently, some of my colleagues and I studied James Clear’s popular book “Atomic Habits.” In this book, Clear lays out a simple, common sense framework for making habits stick. His basic approach is to focus on process, not outcomes.

Clear’s process has just four general principles or “laws”:

To create a good habit, make it Obvious; to break a bad habit, make it Invisible;
To create a good habit, make it Attractive; to break a bad habit, make it Unattractive;
To create a good habit, make it Easy; to break a bad habit, make it Difficult;
To create a good habit, make it Satisfying; to break a bad habit, make it Unsatisfying.

A recent example from my daughter:

“James Clear’s idea of compounding has made a tremendous difference in my life. I have been able to use already established habits to create new habits. For example, I have used my morning habit of drinking water as a trigger to create a new habit of daily gratitude by writing in my gratitude journal. Now when I drink my morning water, I automatically reach for my gratitude journal.”

By analogy, Clear’s approach also suggests something about how we might go about goal-setting and planning for things much bigger than New Year’s resolutions. One of the cornerstones of our work is optimizing multi-generational True Wealth – that which matters most – in every phase of life. Our process focuses on discovering and rediscovering those things that bring happiness, fulfillment, meaning, and joy to those in our circles of care. Inspired by Clear’s model, we might say:

Focus on what will bring Happiness; move away from what may lead to Unhappiness;
Focus on what will bring Fulfillment; move away from what may lead to Unfulfillment;
Focus on what will bring Meaning; move away from what may lead to Meaninglessness;
Focus on what will bring Joy; move away from what may lead to Joylessness.

Just as life’s distractions and temptations work against our New Year’s resolutions and our good habits, in the long run they can misdirect our attention and focus from what we truly value most. Perhaps the most important habit we can develop is the habit of periodically revisiting what matters most in every phase of life.

¹How to make your New Year’s resolutions last, Melissa Ma, FSUNews.com, January 5, 2020

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