Gratitude Archives - Page 2 of 4

Is Life About the Ascent or the Summit?

November 3, 2019 by Avi Kantor

I like to hike. Because Jackson Hole is surrounded by mountains, I have many opportunities to hike with my family, friends, colleagues, and out-of-town visitors. For quite a while, I was single-minded about hiking; it was all about getting to the top of the mountain. Yes, there’s scenery, conversation, and opportunities for contemplation but what really mattered was getting to the top.

Recently, I was introduced to some articles, videos, and a book titled “The Second Mountain” by New York Times columnist David Brooks. In each instance, hiking and climbing mountains became a metaphor for living and life. “The Second Mountain” and its two-mountain metaphor in particular, caused me to view hiking and the work that we do from a different perspective.

A few years ago, Brooks suffered some personally devastating setbacks. He had metaphorically climbed his “first mountain”. He was an acclaimed, best-selling author and political commentator; he was financially secure; he had raised a family. He had achieved. He was famous. He was wealthy. He was, what most people would consider to be “successful”. But when his marriage ended and he was forced to confront his life at that time, he experienced depression, emptiness, and a lack of purpose and meaning that caused him to explore what was missing in his life and ultimately to write “The Second Mountain”.

Like the work that we do, Brooks’ Second Mountain is a metaphorical journey, an exploration of what matters most. Very much akin to one of our defining principles “True Wealth”, Brooks focuses on deep relationships, meaningful work, building and contributing to communities, and core values, especially faith, in order to live a good and moral life. The climb up the metaphorical second mountain, then, is an aspirational pursuit of fulfillment, meaning, and joy; it’s an ongoing process of optimizing True Wealth.

Brooks’ relentless, single-minded climb up his first mountain was much like the way I hiked; get to the top, that’s what matters. I realized that it’s good to know first of all what our destination is; that in each phase of our lives the destination might be different. It’s also good to realize that there are two mountains, to be aware of which mountain we’re climbing, and especially why. Regardless, it’s really about the journey; about enjoying it and finding meaning and fulfillment in the process. It’s about optimizing True Wealth and, in our case, about helping others to optimize their True Wealth in every phase of their lives.

How to Navigate in a VUCA World?

August 7, 2019 by Avi Kantor

In the late 1980’s the United States Army War College developed the acronym VUCA to describe the conditions that would exist at the end of the Cold War with the Soviet Union. VUCA stands for “volatile”, “uncertain”, “complex”, and “ambiguous”. In hindsight, that did accurately describe what the world was like when the Soviet Union fell in 1991. Since then, the business world has adopted the VUCA acronym to suggest the many challenges that business owners, executives, and managers face. For The Certior Group, because of rapidly changing conditions in the world – for example, in politics, economics, law, technology, social norms, etc. – we’ve adopted the notion that we all live in a VUCA world.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” – Viktor E. Frank¹

Some people don’t fully appreciate the profundity of Frankl’s statement. Much of what’s VUCA in our world is beyond our individual control. We don’t control large technology companies or how they gather data about all of us. We don’t control the way government operates. We can’t control the way politics unfolds, or how the natural environment might be changing, or how social media may be changing how we experience our lives. Yet, as Viktor Frankl suggested, we have a choice; we can at least choose our attitude.

Our firm has taken this idea of choosing one’s attitude and artificially divided the VUCA world into two attitudes: personal reactions that are “not Gratitude” or responses that are “Gratitude”. This is clearly an artificial, abstract “map”² of the VUCA world that we live in, not the actual world of politics, Google, the internet, Facebook, Instagram, mobile devices, climate change, pollution, fake news, etc. But, as Viktor Frankl said, by choosing our way, we’re finding that following this “map”, leads to practicing Gratitude.

What does it mean to practice Gratitude? From our perspective, it means to respect, appreciate, and be generous in spirit with others and oneself. It is the ongoing practice of Gratitude that we’ve found to be one of the keys to thriving in a VUCA world. A growing body of research supports the idea that we can become more resilient, despite VUCA in our lives, when we become more grateful. How to practice Gratitude is the focus of our public events, workshops, and client work. Please join us in making Gratitude part of the antidote to a VUCA world.

(1) Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl, 2006.

(2) In 1932, Polish-American scientist and philosopher Alfred Korzybski published an article in which he stated that “the map is not the territory”, meaning that abstract concepts help us understand reality but should not be confused with reality.

The Secrets of Happy Families

May 7, 2019 by Avi Kantor

In the late 1990’s, one of our co-collaborators Lee Brower read a statistic published by the Family Firm Institute, a Boston non-profit that focuses exclusively on family-owned businesses; over 90% of family wealth is lost by the end of the third generation. Even today, this dramatic loss of family wealth continues to occur, despite the best efforts of the best attorneys, accountants, wealth managers, insurance and financial planning professionals. Lee, his firm Empowered Wealth, and many others, including The Certior Group, have wondered why this happens and, more importantly, what can be done to counter or prevent this from occurring.

Many ideas have resonated with us and informed our evolving thinking on this matter. If you’ve ever engaged in multi-generational estate planning, you know that there are numerous sophisticated planning techniques and structures available to families. Aside from the unique advantages of certain Wyoming-only strategies such as private single family trust companies, we’ve chosen not to focus on legal structures but rather on facilitating a flexible planning process that encourages inter-disciplinary collaboration among advisors, including skillful, experienced attorneys.

Much of our practical thinking is now focused on how to build and maintain a healthy family culture as an essential, often overlooked element in sustaining family wealth. To this end, New York Times columnist Bruce Feiler published a book in 2013 titled “The Secrets of Happy Families“. In it, he lays out the theory and the research that supports the notion that families that know their histories – their family narratives – are happier, more resilient, and more cohesive.

One way that we help families capture and organize their family narratives is by employing an Empowered Wealth tool and exercise called the TimeMap. As Bruce Feiler might suggest, this exercise identifies key people, events, milestones, learning experiences, and most importantly, the stories that in the aggregate form the essence of family narratives. Our experience aligns with Feiler’s: that is, most families are not intentional about telling their stories. However, once they realize the importance and value of capturing and making those stories part of the family’s traditions, those families that know their narratives have a better chance of defying the statistics and sustaining their families’ wealth.

How Might We Make Wise, Responsible, and Fair Philanthropic Contributions?

February 7, 2019 by Avi Kantor

In several ways, Jackson is one of the philanthropy “capitals” of America, if not the world. Jackson is the home of dozens of nonprofits, both large and small, focused on numerous worthy causes. Every week it seems, there are fundraisers and other events calling our attention to challenges and issues in the world.

Most of us want to help to make the world a better place both now and in the future. But herein lies a dilemma: with the sheer number of nonprofits, the diversity of causes, and the volume of requests for contributions, how do we act in a generous yet thoughtful and authentic way? How might we contribute wisely, responsibly, and fairly?

Without attempting to answer these questions comprehensively, here are a few thoughts:

1. We owe it to ourselves to identify and articulate our deeply-held beliefs and worldviews.

If we haven’t thought deeply about why we do what we do or why we want what we want, deciding on a course of action can be confusing and a bit overwhelming. This can be especially true when it comes to philanthropy and charitable giving. Discovering our motives, how to give, and why becomes an important precursor to fulfillment and meaning through philanthropy. ¹²³

There’s a paradox in asking “why” we do things, however. In our experience, people get stuck trying to answer “why” questions. If you’ve ever dealt with a child’s endless asking “why”, you know what we mean. “Research has shown that we simply do not have access to many of the unconscious thoughts, feelings, and motives we’re searching for…we tend to invent answers that feel true but are often wrong.” ⁴ Instead, we’ve found and research verifies that asking “what” leads to greater self-discovery and self-awareness. ⁵

2. Inevitably, we must learn to say “no” kindly and with gratitude.

Sometimes it’s not easy to say “no” to nice people with a worthy cause. Yet, if we are truly to live our lives deliberately and intentionally, we must be discerning in our contribution choices. At the same time, gratitude – expressing respect, appreciation, and generosity of spirit for others and what matters to them – remains foundational in all of our endeavors.

3. With an over-abundance of choices, it might make sense to foster collaboration among competing interests.

Our experience has been that seeming cooperation among competing interests has often masked a quiet, unspoken competition for dominance and control. We can passively accept this reality or we can learn new ways of coexisting, collaborating, and thriving. Much of our work is dedicated to teaching and learning better ways to collaborate.

1) Wealthy People Give to Charity for Different Reasons Than the Rest of Us, Daisy Grewal, Scientific American, July 25, 2017.

2) 5 reasons why people give their money away – plus 1 why they don’t, Sara Konrath, and Femida Handy, The Conversation, November 26, 2107.

3) How to Get Donations? 14 Reasons Why People Donate, Network for Good, Best Practices, October 6, 2015.

4) What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It), Tasha Eurich, Harvard Business Review, January 4, 2018.

5) Ibid.

Happy New Year!

January 7, 2019 by Avi Kantor

As we usher in 2019, does it seem as if last year went by quickly? Does time seem to move faster and faster as each year goes by? Psychologists and neuroscientists who study this phenomenon theorize that when we’re very young, we are continuously experiencing and learning new things. Thus, time seems to move more slowly when we’re younger because we’re often fully engaged. As we get older, we take on more responsibilities and intentionally establish routines in order to make our daily lives more efficient and to keep life from becoming too stressful and overwhelming. The feeling that time moves more quickly is a byproduct of this gradual shift to a more routine, less novel way of being.

The research suggests that as adults we can subjectively slow time down by keeping our minds active and by experiencing and learning new things.¹ This observation reminds us of several of our core Certior Group ideas. One is that experiences are really assets that add to our sense of wealth and wellbeing. Much of what we and other members of our Jackson community value – for example, travel, adventure, lifelong learning, outdoor activities – is about experiencing the joy of life (“joie de vivre” in French). Additionally, experiences, even negative ones, can add to our understanding and appreciation for the goodness in life. In other words, experiences can be the source of learning and Gratitude. And, as many of you know, Gratitude is a fundamental virtue that we emphasize in our work and personal lives.

So as the new year unfolds, let’s recognize that our sense of time can quickly begin accelerating again if we allow it to. We can be intentional about slowing down the pace of our lives by being present and practicing what psychologist Rick Hanson calls “savoring the good”. ² We can be creative in imagining and planning new experiences. And, of course, we can practice Gratitude as we go about living.

(1) “Why does time seem to speed up with age?”, Scientific American Mind, July, 2016.

(2) “Hardwiring Happiness”, Rick Hanson, PhD, Harmony Books, 2013.

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